I don’t much like snakes, but if they are harmless I don’t worry much.
My wife, Carolyn, was terrified of snakes. Any snake. And I don’t mean scared. I mean terrified.
HD and Carolyn
One day, Carolyn ran into the house screaming, “A snake in the backyard!”
I went out. It was a green snake about eight inches long. Maybe seven inches.
A note here on my heroism. I didn’t exactly run out. Copperheads have been known to show up in North Carolina.
Pertinent Facts
For this story to work, there are a few more things you should know.
Dictionaries are right heavy. And I am not talking about my unabridged dictionary which weighs approximately 372 pounds. I am talking about your standard desk dictionary.
Now, this may sound nutty but it is true. Carolyn and I have spent hours reading the encyclopedia and the dictionary. I tended more towards the encyclopedia and Carolyn towards the dictionary.
One more thing about Carolyn reading the dictionary. My wife had a vocabulary which was probably bested only by Winston Churchill and William F. Buckley Jr.
Who in the hell knows what subitize means? Carolyn thought me to be a bit of an idiot because I didn’t know.
As far as reading the encyclopedia goes, I would shut my eyes and pull out a volume. Then, while keeping my eyes closed, I would open to a page. Very scientific.
You Have All Of the Facts. Now For the Case in Point
I was sitting in my easy chair, reading a volume of the encyclopedia.
Carolyn was sitting about ten feet away from me. She was sitting on the couch and reading the dictionary.
I heard a loud scream.
I was hit in the chest by a damned dictionary. Luckily, it missed my head.
My wife had wildly flung a dictionary across the room.
I, as usual, had a calm reaction, “What in the hell are you doing?”
It required a couple of minutes for her to come out with, “Fangs!”
That was all I heard. I had to discover things for myself.
Carolyn must have been reading the dictionary under “F”. Had to be.
I peeled the dictionary off of my chest and started looking under “F”.
On the upper left corner on a page of the dictionary was the definition of “fang.” It was accompanied by a very small (think postage stamp) drawing of the head of a rattlesnake with its fangs showing.
Hence, the flinging of the book.
Not desiring to be hit in the chest again with a dictionary, I did the only sensible thing. I taped a small piece of paper over the picture of the fangs.
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