I am writing this on Wednesday evening (alright, night), January 30, 2019. I am telling you this because the timeline is very important. Well, in all honesty, the timeline is not really very important at all, it’s just that it’s the only thing in this entire mess which makes any sense at all. By the way, if you must know, I have had a touch of bourbon. I hope it doesn’t bother you because it, most certainly, doesn’t bother me.
I have always been a bit lazy and I am somewhat of a procrastinator. As the years have passed, I have rather cleverly and quite intelligently (of course) fine-tuned these skills into a well-honed razor’s edge. I dismiss people who say such ridiculous things as, “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” I, again quite intelligently, say, “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.”
This is where the timeline comes into play, so listen up. This past Monday evening, my hearing aids sang a little song to me, indicating that the batteries were almost shot. I thought for a second or two and decided, “To heck with that, I’ll fix it in the morning.” Tuesday morning, “I’ll fix it in the evening.” Tuesday evening, “I’ll fix it in the morning.” This morning (Wednesday, in case you forgot), “I’ll fix it in the evening.” Not very long ago, “I’ll fix it in the morning.” I am quite sure that you are now hanging by tenterhooks, wondering how this exciting story will end. Of course, you may be thinking, “When will this bloody nonsense be over?”
On top of the hearing aid miseries which I am enduring, my glasses are filthy.
I am telling you all of this because, next you see me and I neither speak nor acknowledge you in any way, please don’t be angry, just blame it on the hearing aids and glasses.
When I was a bit of a lad, Mama used to say to me, “Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see.” In my present condition, I believe that I can accomplish Mama’s suggestion with little or no effort.
In my benefit, please remember Scarlett’s closing words, “Tomorrow is another day.”
