This is a story about a helpless, hapless, hopeless, henpecked husband, who was defeated by brass knobs. Sadly enough, it is true.
By the way, this happened over a quarter of a century ago. Probably 30 years ago. I don’t remember for sure.
My wife, Carolyn.
Author’s note: I am way too old for a young chickadee. The picture is of my wife, Carolyn, taken in 1964.
On With the Story
Anyway, it’s like this. My wife, Carolyn, asked me to come into the kitchen of the new house that we, along with the bank, had purchased about five years before. Innocent lamb that I am, I had no idea what to expect. The conversation, if you wish to call it that, went something like this:
Carolyn said, “Look at this kitchen. It is a disgrace.”
Innocent Lamb responded, “What? What’s a disgrace? It wasn’t a disgrace five years ago when you talked me into spending a fortune for this blankety-blank house.”
Carolyn, completely ignoring everything I said and giving me a scornful look said, “Just look at those cabinets.”
I (aka “Innocent Lamb”) looked.
I said, “They sure are cabinets.”
I heard, “Don’t try to get funny with me. Those knobs are a disgrace.”
I thought, Uh-Oh, money.
I said, “How many knobs?”
I heard, “Forty.”
I started getting nervous.
Don’t panic.
Then, I thought, Don’t panic. Forty knobs at probably two bits each, just buy them. It’s easier than getting beaten to death over ten bucks.
Note here that I must have panicked. It was circa 1990 and, cost-wise, I was thinking 1960.
Well, regardless of decade, I knew I had lost.
I drove Carolyn to the store. I believe that was something akin to driving myself to my own hanging.
Anyway, we walked into the store and went to the “Brass Knob” section. I started getting nervous again. If brass knobs have their own section, I could be in trouble.
I looked around. The cheapest I could find were a buck each. This was going to cost me forty bucks and I knew there was no way out.
I said, “Look here, Honey, these are great knobs and I won’t say a word about forty bucks.”
I received the usual “Don’t be an idiot” look.
I heard, “I’ve found what I want.”
I looked at the brass knobs. I looked at the price tag.
Those things were $6.50. That’s six bucks and four bits each and I was going to buy forty. That’s 6.5 times 40. That’s two hundred and sixty bucks. Plus tax.
In case you haven’t already guessed, I wrote a check for two hundred and sixty bucks. Plus tax.
